Newlywed Notes

Jack and I have been married almost a week now. I expected to feel different after we got our marriage license and said our vows, even though we have been completely committed to each other for more than three years. I can’t really articulate any particular way in which I thought being married would feel different from our unwedded life.

We spent this afternoon touring the Harn Museum of Art at the University of Florida, visiting Rodin sculptures, a Monet painting, a wonderful piece by my favorite artist Georgia O’Keeffe, some Andy Warhol silkscreens, and a photograph of a craggy-faced Abraham Lincoln taken in 1864. We stopped for a moment to snuggle on a sofa in an alcove at the museum. I asked Jack if he feels “married”. My fingers lightly brushed the heavy gold ring on his left hand. He said yes, he does feel married. I replied that I don’t feel any different than I did before our wedding. Jack said that’s okay.

We also saw some wonderful Asian Ming Dynasty vases today at the Harn. As we looked at the exhibit, a uniformed docent walked by, and I commented to her that I wished I had lived during the Ming Dynasty, because their artwork was so impressive. She said that women weren’t treated very well during those times. I said that may be true but at least they had beautiful vases. She frowned and hurried away, not appreciating my humor.

Earlier today, I took our 14-year old tabby to the All Cats Clinic for a follow-up appointment. She was recently treated for a serious kidney infection from which she fortunately recovered, in spite of her advanced age. As I sat with her in the waiting room, a woman came in with a cat in a carrier, and told the receptionist that she had come to have her cat put down. The receptionist asked her to have a seat. As we waited, a faint frail mew came from the carrier, and the woman whispered softly to her dying cat,“It’s okay, I’m here, I’m here.”

For a minute, I felt overwhelming sorrow for the woman and her pet. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and began to meditate. As my mind became quiet, I realized how fortunate the kitty was to have a caring human to ease her suffering and be there with her until the end. I smiled at the woman. She smiled back, a little sadly.

A few days before our wedding, my aunt in Kentucky sent me an email saying that my uncle had just been diagnosed with cancer and they would not be able to attend the wedding. He is scheduled to have surgery next week. I was disappointed that they weren’t able to make it to our wedding, but I am optimistic about his recovery. Life has its perpetual cycles of ups and downs, and everything is impermanent. The only thing that is permanent is change. During our little honeymoon at the beach in St. Augustine, I bought my aunt and uncle some books I know they will enjoy – a history of St. Augustine for my uncle and a cookbook for my aunt. I also emailed them a wedding portrait of Jack and me, in an attempt to make the best of the situation. I’m sure they would have rather been at our wedding than at the hospital.

I have experienced my share of joys and sorrows. My only sister died unexpectedly only two months ago, just before Christmas, and now my uncle has cancer. Our cat was very sick, but survived her illness. For Jack and me, all is well in our world. When we were driving away from the Unitarian Universalist church after our wedding ceremony, mylar balloons and “Just Married” flags flapping in the breeze, I told Jack that it was the happiest day of my life. I thoroughly enjoyed the celebration of our marriage that morning, but in my heart I had already felt for quite some time that Jack and I were already married. Our ceremony affirmed the way we already felt about each other, rather than making anything different.

The future may once again bring us times that are not auspicious, but for right now, in the present moment, Jack and I are happy. The present moment is the whole world. We ate lunch at the museum’s outdoor café, near a beautiful pond filled with papyrus reeds and lotus blossoms, in the warm sunshine. Life is good, we are newlyweds, and this is our time to be happy.

(Jack and Shelby were married on Febuary 10, 2008)